I Hit My Toddler And I Feel Bad – What Can I Do?

Most of us are raised by our parents in a very traditional-parenting way. Our parents didn’t know any better than spanking or hitting their children.

Now that we have the internet, and various ways to stop this generational trauma, we should try to do our best.

This article is for the parents who’ve hit their children because they didn’t know any other alternative.

In this article, I will try to help you with various things you can do after you’ve hit your toddler.
And some exercises to avoid hitting your child in the future.

Inside A Toddler’s Mind

A toddler is a child between the ages of 1 and 3 years. They are still very new to this world compared to you.

They don’t know the rights and wrongs or the boundaries you’ve set for your household yet.

Cognitive Development

Toddlers are starting to develop their cognitive skills, trying to understand the world they live in, but it doesn’t mean that they understand why something they did is wrong or why is it affecting you so much.

Their sensory and motor responses are developing, and every small change is very new to them. They learn to live in a new body after every change.

Their curious little minds try to see, touch and feel everything.

At this age, they just learn to walk, and want to use their legs and hands as much as they can.

They start discovering the house, even the restricting areas like the kitchen and stairs.

Emotional Development

Emotions are new to them as well. They try different ways to get your attention.

They are like a frog in a well- you are their well; their only ‘friend’.

They can’t understand that you are busy or tired, when they need you, they will do anything in their control to get your attention.

Mostly, they cry, throw things around or simply scream. It’s not manipulation. They don’t know how to manipulate. It is their newly found way of trying to connect or bond with you.

How Does Hitting Affect A Toddler?

Apart from physical pain, a child goes through a lot of stress and confusion when anyone hits them.

Here are a few key aspects:

1. They Will Feel Disconnected

When a parent hits a child, it may activate their flight response. They don’t know how to express what they feel properly and end up shutting their parents out of their life.

2. It’s Not Good For Their Mental Health

Trauma may cause a child to “tune out” or become emotionally numb. It can make them anxious or in the future, this may lead to depression.

Trauma makes it difficult for them to live a normal life. It might cause them to flinch every time someone raises their voice.

What Can You Do Now?

It is never okay to hit your children. The fact that you are reading this article explains that you are feeling guilty and want to correct your mistake.

These are a few things you should keep in mind:

1. Don’t Feel Shy To Apologize

Children are sweet little angels. They will forgive you in a heartbeat if you tell and show them how sorry you really are. They don’t hold any grudges. Hug them and APOLOGIZE.

2. Don’t Bribe Them

You might want to correct your mistake by bribing them with chocolates or new toys. But please don’t.

This will only teach your child that hitting is okay as long as you buy them something. They might repeat the same mistakes only for you to hit them and buy them a new toy.

3. Hold Your Boundaries

You might’ve hit your child because they crossed their boundaries (unknowingly of course), but not explaining to them what they did was wrong will only cause them to repeat their mistake. Don’t change your boundaries.

4. Hitting Won’t Help

By slapping your toddler you are not teaching them the rights and wrongs of this world; you are only teaching them that violence is acceptable.

The Consequences of Hitting Your Child

1. They May Think That It’s Okay To Hit Others

Toddlers are still at their learning stage, and they learn everything they see.

When a parent hits their child, they indirectly teach them that it is completely normal to hit someone when they are not listening to you.

2. They Might Become a Part of Bullying Culture

Trauma might lead a child to either become a bully or a victim, and neither is good for their development.

3. They Might Start Hitting The Parent

If a toddler sees their parent hitting them they’re angry, they think this is the only way to get things done.

Toddlers learn what they see. They might start hitting or throwing things at their parents to get what they want.

4. They Might Distance Themselves From Their Parents

Toddlers are quite smart when it comes to sensing what is right or wrong for them.

Trauma like this might cause a child to keep a distance from their parent. They might also stop respecting their parents.

How to Stop Yourself From Hitting Your Child

1. Ask These Questions To Yourself

Whenever you are angry, try asking yourself a few questions like:

• Am I really angry or just tired?
• Does my toddler know what they are doing?
• I am angry because I think that my toddler is misbehaving with me, but, do they even know how to misbehave?
• Why is my toddler throwing tantrums? Do they need me?
• Am I ready to handle this situation calmly or should I leave the room?

2. Parent’s Time-Out Strategy

You might’ve heard about giving your child a time-out, but it will only teach them to shut down.

The best way to handle a situation when you are angry is to go to another room.

Take deep breaths. Don’t think about anything else. Just focus on your breaths.

Slowly, drink some water. This will help you relax a bit. Once you are relaxed, follow the next step.

3. Plan The Situation Before Entering The Room

Once you have calmed yourself down, try to picture your next steps.

• What are you going to do after entering the room?
• Instead of scolding your toddler, what other strategies can you use to discipline them?
• Is your toddler mentally ready to be disciplined about this situation?
• Should you just let them do whatever they are doing and join them in their play?
• Or are you going to distract them?

Plan everything. This will help you in communicating with your toddler.

4. Understand Your Toddler’s Mood

After entering the room, the first thing you should notice is your toddler’s mood.

• Are they happy with what they are doing?
• Are they cranky, upset, smiling, angry, sleepy, or hungry?
• Do they need an adult to help them understand their mood?
• Do they need their parent to help them understand the situation?

5. Don’t Correct The Situation Harshly

If a toddler is behaving incorrectly, in a way that has made you angry; don’t correct them immediately by scolding them.

Try to make them understand how that affects you.

6. Pick Them Up And Change The Room

If a child is misbehaving or throwing a tantrum, it is better to pick them up and change the room. This might help them regulate their emotions.

Try hugging them and telling them continuously that you are there for them. Let them cry hugging you.

Let them release their emotions. It is good for them to understand healthy boundaries, but you should let them know that you are there for them.

7. Take Breaks

Overworking might cause stress and it reduces the ability to think properly. This leads to snapping and hitting others.

Take breaks. You deserve it, Mama.

8. Never Go Back To Traditional Parenting

I know that it is hard to keep calm when the situation is not in our control, and beating is the easiest way out of any situation.

You should know that it doesn’t work that way.

Always remember that if beating corrected the behavior, then why do parents keep on beating their kids again and again? Why is it not a one-time thing if it is the right thing to do?

9. Connect With Other Parents Online

Social media is the best place to learn things if used correctly. There are many pages where people from different cultures unite and teach each other better ways of parenting.

Join the groups whose content you find relatable. This will help you practice the right way.

It is really important to leave the group of parents who think it is acceptable to hit their children.

10. Take Help From Officials

Every country has a helpline code that connects you to trained officials who are ready to help you regulate your emotions, and teach you how to handle the situation correctly.

Read Next:

– Does My Toddler Hate Me?
– Is It Okay For A Toddler To Poop In A Diaper?
– Is Activia Yogurt Safe For A Toddler?
– Why Do Babies Stare At Me?
– Can Babies Have Jello?

Wrapping It Up!

Let’s keep in mind that hitting a toddler is never okay. But once you’ve hit them, there’s always room for an apology. After saying sorry, you should not hit them again, ever.

Hitting a child is never a kid’s mistake, it is always the lack of an adult’s patience and judgment. I hope this article helped you. If you’ve any doubts, please comment below.